Why We Preserve Returning to That Troublesome however Good Expertise

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Have you ever ever mentioned to your self, “that is the final time that I’m doing this,” solely to return to it later?

That is the final relocation… after which discovering your self accepting yet one more promising job that requires you to maneuver.

That is our final child… after which discovering your self eager for one other toddler to affix the household.

That is the final time I’m engaged on this mission… after which earlier than you understand it, discovering your self within the thick of the identical mission.

For me, it’s main a short-term (3 weeks) South Korea research overseas for American college students from my U.S. establishment. Each time I lead this system – that is my 4^th time right here – I attain a psychological deadlock after I declare to myself, “okay, that’s sufficient. That is my final time main this program.”

And but, inevitably, when the appliance cycle comes round (each 2 years), I discover myself accepting the invitation to steer this system.

[Note: I think this is a good point to provide this important caveat that the “difficult situations” that I am keeping in mind for this blog post are NOT things that one should refrain from returning to, such as abusive or traumatizing situations. Instead, I am keeping in mind situations that have some notable benefits, despite the challenges that might also come with them.]

Why is that? Why will we proceed to return to difficult conditions, even after swearing, “by no means once more”?

I can assume of some completely different causes:

1. We return to tough issues as a result of we now have selective reminiscence. Not remembering every little thing a few difficult scenario is adaptive; it permits us to amplify the nice issues, in the end forming a story which may affect our notion of no matter scenario or expertise that was tough (Shpancer, 2020). For me, I vividly keep in mind the “I get it moments” on the faces of my American college students. I overlook concerning the stress of serving to younger individuals navigate a brand new nation.

2. We return to tough issues as a result of we sense that regardless of the adversities, the sacrifice is value the associated fee. Some would possibly name this self-denial. Others would possibly name it a way of interdependence (Markus & Kitayama, 1991) that elevates collective targets over particular person ones. No matter it could be, a sense of duty and calling to serve others can propel one to recommit to one thing that they know might be uncomfortable for the self.

3. We return to tough issues as a result of we now have hope that issues will get higher. Not utterly resolved, however higher. It’s a perspective that by means of significant adjustments which can be inside my management (Tomasulo, 2023), I could make the research overseas expertise higher not just for my college students, but additionally for myself. Right here is an instance: I felt overwhelmed the primary two iterations of the journey due to all of the obligations, and I made a decision to rent a graduate assistant for the final two iterations. This modification made such a giant distinction and gave me actual hope for future alternatives to steer this program.

So, as I wrestle with the cussed, sweltering warmth of South Korea in mid-September, as I lengthy for my household again dwelling, as I crave the really good espresso of the Pacific Northwest area of the U.S., and in the end, as I discover myself pondering that that is really the final time – I additionally attempt to remind myself of the true hope for enchancment; attempt to keep in mind the positives; and see this tough exercise as additionally a worthwhile one that may profit my college students.

Is there a tough exercise or expertise in your life that you just preserve returning to that in the end has many good issues that come out of it? Along with the three that I listed above, what different causes would possibly clarify your return to it?